Hollywood@Home: Möbius

You are my big, hunky man. Didn't you win the Oscar?

You are my big, hunky man. Didn’t you win the Oscar?

A new spy thriller without any thrills.  “Möbius” begins as a muddled mess and wraps up 108 minutes later with some belated clarity, but not much more.

Oscar-winning actor Jean Dujardin (“The Artist”) is a senior Russian FSB agent assigned to get the goods on one of his country’s shadiest billionaires, Ivan Rostovsky (Tim Roth).  Moise (Dujardin) targets an American derivatives analyst (Cecile De France) working for Rostovsky’s bank in Monaco.  Moise quickly jumps in the sack with Alice (De France) while keeping his FSB colleagues unaware.  The two fall in love after having hot, steamy sex and the resulting complications could land the lovers in deep doo doo.

“Möbius” screams for you not to like it.  The film opens with some complicated bizspeak nonsense meant to show us how talented Alice can be when it comes to trading international securities.  But, the first 15-20 minutes are so dry and uninvolving that this tepid thriller may lose half its audience, before it barely gets started.

Alice is not a particularly sympathetic character as portrayed by De France.  When she has sex with Moise, it’s almost nauseating how submissive she becomes, declaring that Moises is a sexual “gift” to women and how she never wants to leave his big, strong arms.  Obviously a guy writing this story.  The big strong man barely acknowledging that his woman melts all over him.  Yikes!  Maybe a couple of centuries ago, this would work.

Roth is not given much to do as the Russian business tycoon.  He seems very detached from the story and casually cool towards Alice as she repeatedly rejects his advances.  Guess he’s just too busy to be insulted.

“Möbius” is stocked with the most uninteresting of spies. I couldn’t give a flip about anyone in this film:  Russians or Americans.  The story also suffers from a supreme lack of suspense.  And, the “devastating” reveals at the end are only moderately affecting.

“Möbius” makes the international world of espionage and high-dollar finance downright boring.  Grade: C-

Fast Facts:

Street Date: April 15, 2014

Formats: Blu-ray and DVD

Languages: English, French and Russian (with subtitles when needed)

Runtime: 108 minutes

Released by Lionsgate Home Entertainment

This spy thriller is a dog, but not like my co-star in "The Artist."

This spy thriller is a dog, but not like my co-star in “The Artist.”